It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
