Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize