thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
