Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
