That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
bring money and cleavage
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
