Me too!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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