Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You are a genius and a whore.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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