honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
