I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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