also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
