I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I am mentally ready for anal.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
