Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
