you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
