I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
