The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I will be naked everywhere
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
