tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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