I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize