she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize