You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
