i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Four minutes until I can fart!
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
