Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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