Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
