I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
