I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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