Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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