Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
