I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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