Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
