I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
