Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
