mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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