Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
