I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
