Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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