i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
