I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
