: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize