so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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