Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
