So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
