you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
