I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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