I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
