"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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