I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
