i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize