We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
