new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
