I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
