we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize