UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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