I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
