I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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