i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I intend to get homeless drunk
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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