Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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