Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
