just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
