Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
