I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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