I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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