Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I have post one night stand depression
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