so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
