please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The adults are the big ones right?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
