U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I have surprise drugs for everyone
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
