So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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