I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
