i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
