I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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