pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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